Why you should not become a Foster Carer.

I have never for one minute, believed that Foster Carers are anything other than good people with the best of intentions. Over the years I have helped many people fight against Social Services for children in their care, whether Parents or Foster Carers. I have also helped many Care Alumni for years. In general, I can’t say anything bad about Foster Carers. I’ve met a few bad ones, but that is to be expected in any group.

I can, however, say very bad things about Foster “Care”, and have done so for years. I also wish for people to note that there should be no stigma attached to children who have suffered “Care”. The children cannot be responsible for the unfortunate circumstances they had no control over.

The Best of Intentions don’t translate very well into the Best Outcomes for Children. If a child is removed from parents based on “Future Risk of Emotional Abuse”, that the child will have a poor Outcome in Life with their parents, then there must be an absolute expectation that the child will have a far more positive Outcome, given they were removed to have a better life in “Care”. The problem is that children have far worse outcomes as a direct result of “Care” in 80% of cases. The following is from the UK DfE.

The scientific evidence that “Care” is bad for children is very compelling.

  • According to an exhaustive study by Professor Joseph Doyle at MIT, and Economics Professor, 80% of “Care” Alumni have dismal Outcomes even compared to offspring of the Foster Carers themselves when raised in the same home. His study tracked 12,000 “Care” Alumni over a 15 year period. A more recent study had equally poor Outcomes.
  • A study found that 25% of “Care” Alumni were twice as likely to suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder than Soldiers returning from War Zones, and in the order of 4 times more severe.
  • A study found that the Health Outcomes for “Cared For” and later in life, had far more illnesses and poorer Health Outcomes.
  • The Suicide Rate of children in Irish State “Care” is almost 10 times the National Average according to a 2011 University study.
  • Even Social Workers themselves view “Care” Alumni as a greater risk to their own children and a study found that any girl who spent any significant amount of time in “Care” is 66 times more likely to have her child removed and placed in “Care”. An Irish Judge termed this “Inter-generational Recidivism” when removing a child from a mother, a mother that he had removed from her mother. Girls in “Care” are twice as likely to become pregnant.
  • A study from 2000 showed that most of the homeless youth on the streets in Ireland came from the “Care” System. Many of these children are dumped on the streets by their Foster Carers who receive €340 per week, per child, or Residential Care Facilities who receive €5,000 per week, per child. The State has no obligation to adults, many of whom have not even completed school at the time of their “Emancipation”.
  • At €5,000 per week, per child, the quality of “Care” should be to such a standard that parents are begging to get their child taken into the system, instead, children are begging to go home to their parents.
  • One of the most compelling speeches ever given on the topic was by a Social Worker, Molly McGrath Tierney at a TED Talk.

Make no mistake about it, when social workers show up at your home, the child they are bringing has just been dragged kicking and screaming from their parents. They only thing they want is to go home. Either that or the unfortunate child was taken from another Foster Carer and it’s not unusual for a child to have 20 placements, all of which have failed.

If you set out tomorrow to design a system to systematically harm children, you couldn’t do any better than the current model of “Care”. Yes, Foster Carers are nice people with the best intentions, but “Best Intentions” don’t translate very well into “Best Outcomes”. I have often said that for €5,000 per week, the child I would look after would graduate from Harvard or Oxford, this is an obscene amount of money but bear in mind, that these Private companies used to be paid €8,500 per week, per child, for what one operator described as a “Babysitting Service”. I would probably have enough money left to pay for the child’s wedding and buy them a house.

Yes, there are some children in absolute need of protection, but Foster “Care” does not come up to the standard required to meet the needs of these children, it’s simply not good enough. I would also have grave concerns about Social Workers trying to determine which children require protection, the vast majority of children are in “Care” based on Future Risk of Emotional Abuse, the theory that they “may” have a poor outcome in life, and then guaranteed a dismal outcome by being placed in “Care”.

I had a conversation one day with a Foster Carer. She told me that the parents of “Her” children were absolute monsters. They had allegedly done things to these children that I cannot mention here. She was complaining that it was her duty to bring the children to the parents every week for “Contact”, a task she hated. I asked her where she got this information from, bearing in mind that it would be illegal for the Social Worker to share with her any details of how these children came to be in “Care”. Her only source was her social worker, who made it seem to her that she was doing a heroic act saving these children from bad parents. I then asked her why these parents were not in prison if they had done a fraction of what they were accused of? Months later “Her” children were returned to their parents. I heard she gave up Fostering.

Prepare to be lied to. When you ask for help for the child you care for, it will not be forthcoming. My colleagues and I have been contacted by Foster Carers in the past for help. Although they desperately want to avail of services, none are available. Foster Carers are not Psychologists and poorly equipped and supported to meet the needs of many of these children. This is the primary reason Foster “Care” doesn’t work. Children are suffering grief from the “Living Bereavement” of their parents. They suffer PTSD, which I have personally witnessed in many children, many of whom are now adults.

In one case where 2 children were kidnapped by the Irish Child and Family Agency, I witnessed the PTSD first-hand. I use the term “Kidnapped”, as this is the very term used by a Supreme Court Judge to describe the case. One child was 6 months when kidnapped and returned 8 months later. For 2 years after, he suffered nightmares and would wake up screaming almost every night. It wasn’t until he was 3 years old that he could verbalize his experience. He said that “1 mommy had no boobies”. He was being breastfed up to the kidnapping and not weaned off the breast. He was afraid that the mommy with “no boobies” would take him away. It was later discovered in therapy that his 6-year-old brother tried to commit suicide while in “Care” but didn’t know how to. I’m sure the Foster Carer provided excellent care to these children and did her best, but no Foster Carer is trained or equipped to give the children the help they need.

The children were returned 8 months after the kidnapping when the entire case had been re-heard by a new Judge despite the CFA requesting a Full Care Order. The parents successfully sued the State and won despite the State spending over a million to prevent Justice. The case is not published so the public will never know the full truth of what happened to this family. In fact, none of these cases are published and the true story of what is actually happening to children is not known, except for a few stories and pages such as this. We occasionally see the mask slipping on what passes for Child “Protection” but the Public has no knowledge of how damaging this system, and Foster “Care” is to children.

For 11 years now I have been speaking and writing about this. I am gagged as to what I can tell you. Unlike many proponents of this system, I have been in the Secret Courts, I know the people involved, the parents and their children, many of whom are now being raised by their parents due to the efforts of my colleagues. I wrote a book on the topic. I cannot stress deeply enough, how bad “Care” is for children and if you reviewed the evidence I have provided above, I cannot see how anyone would want to be a party to destroying the lives of children even if it is done with the best of intentions.

I will leave you with one final thought. Last week, a child died in Irish State “Care”, another is due to die next week.


Sex Education for Governments

I wrote extensively about Child Sexual Abuse in the book in a chapter entitled; “The Dreadophile“. Almost everything people believe about the topic is nonsense. Since the late 1970’s, an industry sprung up around Child Sexual Abuse. Previous to this, many cases of abuse were hidden and not reported. A culture of cover-up existed and many cases were only brought to court when the victims grew up. Even today, too many of the cases are adults reporting “Historic” cases. This is a major System Failure.

Sex Education is important. With proper education at the right time, education could eliminate much of the sexual abuse of children. This is the crux of my argument, When is it the Right Time to give Sex Education to Children?

For years we have been listening to “Experts”. Governments have made many laws for the Protection of Children, often driven by Moral Panics and Hysteria from Children’s NGO’s who wildly exaggerate the extent of the problem to make more money, but which does nothing to protect children. No folks, there are not millions of “Pedophiles” waiting outside schools to prey on your children, most of the abuse occurs in the home because Parents are being misled, and Children are being mislead that the world is a very dangerous place, when statistically, the numbers tell a completely different story.

The USA brought in Federal Legislation known as the Adam Walsh Act. This requires that anyone accused of a Sex Crime against Children is listed on a Sex Offender Register. Many States have online photos of the alleged perpetrators, some as young as 4 years old. A right-thinking person would be asking how a 4 year old could be a Registered Sex Offender? One child nuzzled the breasts of his Kindergarten Teacher, who under Mandatory Reporting Law, was obligated to report the incident to Police, who were under legal obligation to place the child, too young to be charged with a crime, on the Sex Offenders Register. This is a Systems Failure.

I have often asked the question when the topic of Child Sexualization comes up; “Other than sexually abusing a child, how can a child who has not reached the Age of Puberty, be “Sexualized“? The answer of course is you cant, as children below puberty have no concept of such things and find the topic distasteful. Children of course are curious about their bodies, and the differences between male and female, but these are questions of Biology, an entirely different subject. We have let these silly terms slip into our vocabulary without questioning them.

An astonishing fact I came accross while researching the topic is that 80% of all sexual assault of children is carried out by 14 year olds in the USA, 70% of whom are boys. I have no reason to believe Europe is any different, however, Europeans don’t list the crimes of children and statistics are hard to find, if they exist at all. These are old statistics from the Department of Justice, but nevertheless, they tell a story that the “Experts” and NGO’s have been misleading us all along. The following graph should send shivers up the back of every parent, and cause the “Experts” and NGO’s to hang their heads in shame.

Which brings me back to the crux of my argument, when is the right time to give Sex Education to Children?

Sex Education is often taught to students at a certain level or grade. Some children in exceptional circumstances enter Puberty at age 8, but some as late as 16. The majority reach puberty at 14. The majority of Child Sex Abusers are 14 year olds, not the dirty-old-men in raincoats myth we have been fed. Not that it matters to the abused child the age of the offender. In the adult range, the vast majority of those conviced are aged 28, and this statistic is true accross the board in many countries statistics.

Many of the laws introduced were hysterical reactions to horrible abuse that occurred. We have Sarahs Law and many other laws named after children like Adam Walsh. Much of the legislation has hastily introduced by politicians with good intentions, however, were poorly thought out and implemented. Many children fall victim to these laws, like the Kindergartner 5 year old who cant attend birthday parties, visit Disneyland or play at the local playground because he is a Registered Sex Offender.

The Child Pornography Legislation in the USA carries a higher penalty for a teenage boy sharing images of his erect penis than if he had attempted to murder someone. I’m sure well-meaning legislators had no intention of punishing children for doing stupid things and essentially committing crimes against themselves for “Making Child Pornograph” and sharing it with their love interest. How is it possible for a child to commit a crime against themselves, when they are both victim and perpetrator?

We should educate children about Sex, absolutely, but the time to do this is when the child finally reaches Puberty, not before, not after. At Puberty, most children have weak Impulse Control, this is why most abusers, and they are abusers, are also struggling with puberty. The best description I ever heard was like handing a child a Ferrari and giving them the keys, and saying; “It’s parked in the driveway, but you cant drive it until you’re 16” or whatever age the government deems fit with Consent Laws.

Teaching children below the Age of Puberty is in my opinion, Child Abuse. We give children a gift of Innocence that they are born with. As they struggle to learn to live in a world they are too young to understand, we indulge them with the Tooth Fairy, and Santa Claus and stories that always have happy endings. You cant take a child to a movie which shows sex scenes or violent contents, but some “Experts” think it’s OK to teach 5 years olds how to masturbate? Bear in mind these are the same “Experts” who know, or at least should know, that most Child Sexual Abusers are 14 year old, often an older brother or cousin or neighbour, but would have you believe in myths and fairytales that defame innocent people.

Has anyone stopped to ask how a 5 year old benefits from knowing the mechanisms of sexual coitis? Why the sudden urgency to teach children a topic they will never begin to understand until Puberty?

No 5 year old is going to rape another 5 year old, but it is likely at that age they will be curious about Biology, which has nothing to do with sex. So why would we want to teach a 5 year old how to have sex?

I believe we have been doing Puberty wrong all these years. Many cultures have Rights of Passage at Puberty, but few have any real value in terms of helping a horny 14 year old curb their “Enthusiasm” and use their Impulse Control. It’s time we addressed this, without the “Experts” and Schools, and Politicians. The problem then being that if a parent educated a pubescent child, say for example with materials that they want to teach to 5 year old, but more explicit and to the level of understanding of a 14 year old, such materials would illegal under Child Protection Laws, and the parent could also be jailed under such laws.

The USA is a prime example of how such laws should never have been implemented, the laws harm many children. I would not let off Europe or Ireland either, our laws are not benefitting children either. It should fall upon parents to educate their child at puberty, but it would be a very brave parent who would risk jail or having their child removed to “Care”, by teaching them about sexual relations, even if such educational materials were available. Schools teach according to Levels and Grades, but some children in those classes may not have reached Puberty, and for some it might be too late.

Parents are usually always there for their children in times of crisis, but we have overlooked Puberty or minimized it’s importance, or just not bothered to help children in their time of need, and governments are not helping by introducing hysterical laws proposed by “Experts”.

My thoughts on Gender Ideology leaves me with more questions than answers. I need to distinguish here between Sex and Gender, which of course are separate subjects. I have always been of the belief that two people who love each other should have equal rights to do so whatever in the privacy of their home whether their love interest is a member of the same sex or opposite. Love is Love. The State has no business standing at the foot of a persons bed and dictating what they can and cannot do if nobody is harmed in the process. I also don’t believe the State has any business teaching pre-pubescent children any more than the notion that it’s OK for two people to love each other, without the gory details.

We are currently seeing the normalization of the notion that there are hundreds of Genders and that children are free to choose whatever dystopian nightmare they want, simply by “Self-Identifying” as an imaginary creature. Worse, the notion that a child can be given Sex Reassignment Surgery or Puberty Blockers when they are far too young to decide such life-altering decisions. We don’t allow children to choose their food, bedtime or whether they can take a day off school, why would we allow them to decide to have their penis constructed into a vagina? And what if they change their mind? I cant believe that we, as a country, would find it exceptable to chemically castrate a 7 year old boy, but make spanking illegal?

If there are more than two genders, why is it that Plastic Surgeons only offer two choices of Genders?

The reality is that Gender Dysmorphia is an extremely rare Mental Condition. A minuscule number of children are affected by this. While I applaud Government efforts to integrate those affected by Mental Illness into Society, I have to ask why a 5 year old needs to know about such matters?

I do not believe any parent should have the right to re-assign a child’s Gender, especially a child who has not reached Puberty. I believe any Surgeon who mutilates a child’s body, especially a pre-pubescent child, should be jailed for Child Abuse.

The American College of Pediatricians, an anti-LGBT Right Wing group known for promoting pseudo-science, are of the opinion that Gender Ideology for Children is Child Abuse. They have issued a statement to this effect. I do not endorse their views, however, I am willing to listen to any views on the topic. Gender Identity Disorder is a rare medical condition listed in the Diagnostical and Statistical Manual (DSM-5) used by Psychiatrists and Psychologists as a guide to whether patients meet the required criteria for a diagnosis of GID. Note that the diagnosis applies to adolescents and adults, not to pre-pubescent children. The use of Puberty Blockers on pre-pubescent children is a highly controversial issue. The side-effects include blocking normal development of organs which may result in prevent recipients being able to produce children. 

For years, some boys have dressed as girls and some girls dressed as boys, and few people have any issues with this. Being honest with ourselves, we rarely see such people affected by this, and most people tend to mind their own business.  If a child asks a parent; “why is that man dressed as a lady?” a parent can give an answer to the level of understanding of the child, who is expressing nothing more than curiousity, bearing in mind that it’s a child’s job to ask questions. Why does an 8 year old need to know about Masturbation if they have not reached Puberty?

As we have seen earlier, when Governments interfere in the domain of the Family, they usually get it wrong. They get it wrong because they consult “Experts” who are selling “Flavour-of-the-month” ideologies and listen to Vested Interest NGO’s who depend on hyping up the hysteria for their financial survival.

Don’t even get me started on “women with penises” competing in Female Sports.

A pattern I hope that people have seen in the book, is that the further we stray from Nature and eons of Human Evolution, the worse Society becomes. Governments need to stop listening to Sociologists and listen instead to Statisticians, Engineers and Mathematicians who have a proven record of Excellence, while 70 years of Sociology has no History of Excellence. The “Number Crunchers” have a lot to offer and if we cant see the problems from the fist graph, we have no hope of solving the issue of Child Sexual Abuse, which in my opinion, is a far more serious problem than teaching 5 year olds about Sex and Gender. We have an opportunity here to eliminate Child Sexual Abuse in many cases by teaching Sex Education at the right time and prevent children from becoming abusers. Lets not waste it.

Nature designed the perfect Child Protection System when it designed the Family. Children are not autonomous beings and need constant direction and supervision from their parents, both parents. Interference in the Family Unit has made the job of parents more difficult. Perhaps its time to make laws more supportive of parents?


Why Facebook is not going to solve the problems of Child “Protection”.

I was asked to be a guest speaker at a conference recently. My usual “Go-To” response is to refuse. For years I have been invited to speak, and have spoken many times, but I found most of these events a waste of time for all concerned. While I was considering the invitation, I thought I would talk about what works and what doesn’t work. Anyone could give the speech many want to hear, and receive great applause, but it would be a pointless excersize. Before I wrote the book I talked to many people and the best advice I received was this.

Preaching to the Converted is a waste of time. You need to walk into a Church, announce to the Congregation that there is no God, and have them believe you. Otherwise don’t waste your time, and theirs“.

Of course this is an onerous task, if not impossible, but the speaker must have conviction and credibility. The best way to do this is to propose Solutions rather than Problems. I had intended to propose strategies that have worked in the past, but it became clear that I was dealing with people who spoke out of pain and anger who would probably do more harm than good.

Why Public Protests accomplish very litttle.

A few years ago a small group protested outside the head office of Child Protective Services in Ireland. Unfortunately, nobody thought to bring banners, posters or leaflets, but I applaud their efforts. When I pointed this out, I was attacked for mentioning it. I believe if you are going to do something, get it right the first time. Fortunately, one lady listened and took a can of paint and some scrap plastic and turned them into about 20 signs. I wrote a pamphlet and made it available for download, and by the next protest, anyone passing-by could clearly see why people were congregating outside government buildings. All of the blue signs in the image below were created by one lady. This is the difference between a Meeting and a Protest.

In the case of Ireland, most of the protests were outside the Head Office of Ireland’s Child “Protection” Service, which in my opinion, is a futile exercise. 1/ Because the people working in Head Office have no idea of what happens in any case due to the In Camera Rule, which prevents them from knowing. 2/ The people working there do not manage the law or any case. It would be far better to protest outside the Dail or the Department for Children and Youth Affairs, as politicians tend to be opportunistic and jump at “Causes” if the participants are clearly organized and can offer solutions instead of problems. 3/ High Traffic areas give access to more people.

I carried one of these posters myself during a large protest in Dublin, and to my surprise, I was threathend with violence by the then CEO of Ireland’s Child Protective Services in front of 3 witness, whom I offered to debate, but his solution was to take me up a back alley and “beat the crap out of me”. I don’t think I need say any further about the value of Posters, Banners and Pamphlets.

in 2010 I was one of about 30 protesters who protested outside the Dail, the Irish Parliament, demanding an investigation into the deaths of children in Irish State “Care”. The event was (well) organized by the aunts of Danny Talbot and the McAnaspie family who had died in “Care”, both in horrific circumstances. People, even children, would congregate, a car would pull up loaded with banners and people would engage politicians entering or leaving. After a year, one politician took notice and spoke to the families. As a Deputy, he did a fine job of promoting our cause and after, the leaders of the group were summoned by the Minister for Children, who also had concerns, but had little knowledge of how corrupt and disfunctional the agency he was responsible for was. For the sake of brevity I wont go into the full story.

In the end, the government commissioned a report into the deaths of 260 children who had died in “Care” and a supposedly independent report investigated 196 of those deaths of children. The report did not find a single Social Worker responsible for a single death of a single child, even though there was clear evidence that many of those children and their parents were ignored by social workers. Had any of those children been in the care of their parents, without a doubt, their parents would have been held accountable.

In the end, our protest accomplished its goal. The protest concentrated on one issue only, whereas other recents protests don’t seem to have any stated purpose and are too generalized to be of use. Pick one topic and recite it like a broken record until someone takes notice. A few weeks ago a friend who runs a Fathers Rights Group on Facebook send me an image.

A simple banner with 5 words: “Parental Alienation is Child Abuse”.

Someone took it upon themselves to purchase this banner and attached it to a motorway bridge. I believe the daily traffic on the motorway is over a hundred thousand. Most people are not aware of Parental Alienation, however, everyone is aware of Child Abuse. Everyone is also opposed to children being abused, so these 5 simple words attract attention. A few days after, the Admin of the page sent me another message that in the space of a few days, the image had received over 16,000 views on Facebook.

Again, this is a brilliant example of how one person can make a huge impact. Like the woman who made 20 posters and brings them to protests around the country, anyone can contribute with a little effort. In the past, my colleagues have posted videos which were published on my Facebook page Alliance of Parents Against the State, which have had more than 50,000 hits.

This brings me back to “Preaching to the Converted”. The majority of people believe that Social Services, Adoption, Removal of Children are all wonderful ideas and support their efforts. Due to the secrecy involved, only a tiny minority know the truth. The message, however, is getting out there. Social Services in many countries are having great difficulty recuiting and retaining staff. Less people want to get involved in Fostering these days because after years of trying, people are starting to see that Child “Protection” is more akin to Child Abuse, and I would attribute that to the many people, like the people who made banners above, for changing peoples minds, more than I would to people in closed groups on Facebook. Don’t waste time preaching to the converted, you need to convince people who know nothing of the topic. Start with your friends and family, talk to your co-workers and try to reach people who know nothing about the topic. When you state that children are being abused, people tend to take notice.

A recent development in Irish Courts will soon have a dramatic impact on Irish Social Services. It’s worthy of mention that no Facebook group or post had any impact on this decision. It was hard-fought for 10 years by a father whose children were kidnapped by Irish Social Services and won in the courts. Three years ago the Supreme Court decided that crimes committed “In Camera” could be investigated by Irish Police. The decision was not published however, which makes a mockery of the belief that “Justice should be seen to be done”. The Irish State fought against this for 3 years. I attended court with the father and every 2 months the State would ask for delays, a common tactic.

We did in fact get a Police investigation started but it was quickly stopped on orders from further up. The father then received threats, one in the form of an email which originated from a Police Station, oddly enough, where one of the persons being investigated works.

In the past, my colleagues and I have subjected to abuse and threats, but since we have broken no laws, we fear nothing. Lawyers for Irish Social Services had a meeting and discused how they were going to “put us out of business”, presumably because of the number of children we have had returned from “Care” or the many times we prevented children being taken. These days, my colleagues and I would not be allowed into Case Conferences, even though we have had a positive impact in many cases.

I have always told people that for every reaction there is a counter-reaction. When you stick your head above the parapet, expect it to be shot off. Social workers use Social Media as a source of “Evidence” against parents, and often punish the child by restricting court-ordered visits as a means to punish the parent, even though the child suffers in the process. You are damaging your case against Social Services by posting negative material. More recently, I have seen parents going to jail for speaking out. While I admire their courage and self-sacrifice, I have to question how their child benefits from their “Martyrdom” and incarceration?

I have always said, put the child first in all your arguments, Children First”. I completely understand when people speak out of pain and anger. I would say to “Advocates”, be supportive of people in pain, but the ultimate goal should always be getting the child home. I have spoken for years about how Fathers should not say; “I cant see my Child”. This hasn’t worked in decades despite the many suicides of men, the misery, the horror stories of injustice to fathers, they are no further ahead today, but there is cause for hope. I have said instead you should be saying: “My childs Human Rights are being abused”, and only then will people take notice. I feel sorry for the men affected by Parental Alienation, but I have to be honest and say I feel worse for the children who are denied a father and suffer life-long consequences as a result. The 5 simple words: “Parental Alienation is Child Abuse” will do more for the rights of Fathers than anything else that has been tried in the past. I urge all Fathers affected to get behind the growing Parental Alienation Awareness Movements, which is spreading in popularity. Can you image the impact it would have if every father affected made a banner and posted it in a conspicious place?

Historically, what works best in terms of Reform and Positive Change, is Lobbying. Some of the most egregious legislation ever imposed on a population was the direct result of Lobbying. Large Corporations have managed to wield enormous power over citizens, and this is accomplished by Lobbyists. It’s hard to believe, but the US Congress passed legislation which prevents courts taking legal action against a large company.

Individuals can lobby their local politicians or Government Ministers simply by writing emails, starting petitions, or meeting them directly and expressing their concerns. In my case, I have written to many politicians and sent them copies of my book. When they don’t respond, you can take it as a given that they will not be of help, but when enough people contact them they take notice. I am fortunate enough to have a few politicians who will listen and who have helped me out on issues in the past. Being nice works best.

Words can Heal or Harm, choose your words carefully. The first victim is often the person writing. You will harm your own credibily by attacking people instead of their arguments. Ad Hominen attacks and “making it personal” are among the worst mistakes, attack the idea, not the person. Social Workers often scroll through a persons Public Profile, and will use it against you as “Evidence” in court, contrary to Data Protection Laws. Denigrating others says more about you than the person you are attacking. “What you say can be used in evidence against you”.

I am reminded of how the Mahatma Gandhi once said:

“First, they ignore you.

Then they ridicule you.

Then they debate you.

Then you win.”

If your first move is to attack people, you are giving people a chance to ignore you. Instead, ask a question. If they ridicule you, don’t attack or make it personal. Ask a question and keep pushing for an answer. Let them attack, it says more about them if you are respectful of others.

Never say or write anything out of pain and anger. You’re not likely to change anyones mind and will come off as a person with an axe to grind. Focus on facts and try to be the better person, you will have more credibility. A useful guide is below:

If you cant meet this criteria, it’s best to stay quiet. It was once said:

“Better to keep quiet and have people think you are a fool, than to open your mouth and eliminate all doubt.”

Posts on Facebook are not going to change the world, although planting seeds of doubt in what passes for Child “Protection” is having an impact on the system. The danger of many advocates or advocacy groups is that they do more harm to the cause of reforming Child “Protection”. They drown out more sane voices. I find the most credible people are the ones who don”t have an axe to grind, and are not victims of the system.

Other than connecting people, which is extremely helpful, the only other useful purpose Facebook groups serve is to post news stories on the dysfunctional system. I have observed a lot of in-fighting in these groups over the years, and I have seen the groups come and go. What I have not seen is any useful changes in the law. I have not seen children returned to their families because of posts.

What has worked very well over the years is a small group of determined people, whom I wont name here. We worked calmly and quietly and most people wouldn’t recognize us on the street. Judges of course know who we are, some even like us because we come to court prepared and don’t waste their time. We are not being paid for our time so we don’t like delays.

The worst nightmare for the Child “Protection” System is the oxygen of publicity. If the Irish Public ever learn what has been done in their name to many thousands of children, the system would change over-night. While many call for Tusla to be scrapped, this is an impractical solution. There are children in Ireland in dire need of protection, however, I would have no confidence in Social Workers trying to determine which children, and even less in their ability to “Care” for children. The system is not going to change overnight, and it certainly wont change because of Facebook groups, some of whom do more harm than good. CPS Agencies likeTusla has nothing to fear and everything to gain from people with axes to grind who are speaking out of pain and anger.

Please, just stop attacking each other and come up with positive solutions. The best way to fight the system is to play their game by their rules and you will eventually beat them. If you have nothing positive to contribute, please don’t get in the way of mature, experienced people who already have a history of success.